and the winner is...

I know everyone's playing it...the asshole game! But there can only be one winner. Sorry.


What happened to all those great contenders from the Newington Asshole Parade? The Asshole Parade was out-assholed? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they were.


Now the line "I just want to have sex with you without anyone knowing" was pretty damn assholeish. And so were the death wishes.
But somehow, someway, another fuckwit has managed to beat them all!

The quote of the day that outshined them all is:
"your right i did use you, i met you and thought you'd be an easy fuck.
i am an asshole, i am shallow, and i am very uncaring."


Hahaha, little tip, if you're looking for an "easy fuck" avoid virgins. The Newington Asshole Parade (which has one reformed member, my apologies) didn't get in my pants. The many other assholes who tried, failed also. So you, little smugfuck, waisted your time.

Folky House Show

Newington Asshole Parade

For whatever reason, be it fate or coincidence, I have a history of falling for boys who happen to reside in Newington. It's not terribly strange, but still the odds aren't that great that I'd have flings with four boys from the same neighborhood, especially because I don't really have flings too often. Anyways...not only do I have some weird tendency to fall for Newington boys, but I happen to have the worst luck with them. As follows:

1. The low point of the period I had an infatuation with the first boy was when he said, "Listen, I just want to have sex with you without anyone knowing". To add insult to injury (as if it hadn't already been added and then some) this was about a month after we actually hung out, the majority of that time he'd been dating another girl and was still dating her at the time of his proposal, and he was eighteen, almost nineteen and I was barely fifteen. Awesome. Of course I said kthnxbi and proceeded to take several months to get over it.

2. The second boy was probably the best of the Newington crowd, which is sad, very, very sad. The first time we dated I wasn't aware we were dating until he broke up with me b/c one of my friends was available. And yet...I went out with him again when that girl got back together with her ex. I know, dumb, but we dated for most of the summer and he was really really sweet. The problem was, he was basically the girl in the relationship, and it was awkward. So, I broke up with him, and we remained friends for a while. Then, one random day he hated me. To this day I have no idea why. Sure, everyday we'd get in a fight where he'd make fun of me forever liking boy #1, I'd make fun of him for liking a lesbian, and then we'd call each other n00bs for ten minutes, but the next day we'd always sit next to each other on the bus (I'd be reluctant and feign still being pissed, but he'd either push be over or sit on top of my leg/lap and I'd forgive him). Then one day, we weren't cool. And, this is lovely; he wrote me a message saying, "ur a fucking idiot. i hope ur house catches fire tonight and u get out with severe burns jsut i cna goto the hostpital and laugh at you while i cut ur painkillers on and off. don't ever talk to lauren again u ugly pile of shit, ever dating u or taking u to my house was a huge mistake. the oonly i reason i ever took intrest in u was b/c u wanted to start smoking. u would've only been a resouce to offer me cigs then. and now in my eyes ur nothing but a peice of filth that i now have to deal with on a daily basis".

3. I'll admit I fell the hardest for this one, well maybe not quite as hard as I did for the first boy, but we were pretty cute...I still think so. But we fell out of touch, the last time I saw him was at the Bright Eyes concert where I had to hold him up he was so shitfaced and our last conversation went something like this:

Me: Why did you hang out with me in the first place? I mean...what were your intentions? Was I just something to fill up time?

Him: Well...isn't that why anyone hangs out with anyone else?

Me: I guess...but I tend to choose people I like and enjoy hanging out with. With that reasoning you could have hung out with anyone, there are billions of people on the planet, there was no reason to choose me.

Him: Well I guess you should feel lucky that for a little while I picked you instead of those billions of people.

4. Guy number four wasn't too horrible, accept we last hung out in January and it was great (Wafflehouse and the Docks) then we kind of kept missing each other’s phone calls and messages playing phonetag and whatnot. And...now...somehow he managed to get married and a baby’s on the way. What the fuck? He last messaged me in April. Apparently the baby is due in about 5 months. Something's not quite right there. Oh fucking well.

Goodbye forever, Newington Asshole Parade.

You're first impression is most likely to be wrong. Not all people are in a rush-or rude. This is a common way of moving in a city. Nothing personal.
distance of approximately one or two feet should not be challenged. nothing personal.

Time and promptness are highly valuhighly valued

We use simple vocabulary.
impossible words and phrases.

build your identity and many salient features

Do you want to forget?
Live in the dark.

We don't see her for several hours.
We don't see her for several hours.

We see her nervous. What you feel right now is a typical pattern or experience.

She meets our eyes-
she stops, out of breath.
There is a smile on her face.
then runs again, jumping several times over trash on the sidewalk.
then runs again.

She inhales tehn suddenly turns away and meets our eyes again in the mirror. then suddenly turns away and meets our eyes again in the mirror. meets our eyes again.

...make yourself whatever--
make yourself whatever you like to be.
if it is not what you want,
it is everything.
it is not...
whatever you like to be.

the right to know your charges and accusor

her hand, out and touching the wall

"beautiful, beautiful." she takes off her clothes.
she walks into the other room.
she feels a tingle of fear.

she tries to memorize everything she sees.
time passes.
she ask a question and has a conversation--then a daydream.

the neon signs light her face in pink and blue.

Elaine: Did you get your hair cut?
Jerry: No, shower. So where

She feels a tingle of fear.
We see her nervous.
It's science fiction.

If I would be a different person.

So, ions ago I wrote about what I wanted in life, in a little composition book filled with spontaneous musings. Really all that particular entry said was how I wanted to live somewhere chaotic, someplace that was beautiful in all its fucked up glory, or somewhere with cobblestone streets. The rest was about a boy that resides in my mind. Or maybe not. So I just thought it would be fun to update it, even though it’s not that different. So, here goes.

I want a boy that makes me feel beautiful, it’s a given, but important nonetheless.

I want a boy that will eat foreign foods with me. Oh, and everything will be either vegan or at very least free range. ;D. So I guess I want a boy that realizes the shit they do to animals and is definitely NOT cool with it.

And when we get sick we’ll eat miso soup in the bathtub. So I suppose he’ll have to like miso soup and bathtubs. Or at very least bathtubs, I’ll eat the miso soup, and make him some chicken noodle if he wants.

I’d like to sit on rooftops and sneak into pools at midnight and go to Rocky Horror together, that’d be cool.

I want a boy with eclectic music taste(note not MY music taste, just a variety) which can blast from speakers constantly.

I want a boy who sings to me. And writes with me at nighttime by candlelight and Chinese lanterns. Songs, poems, stories, whatever.

I want to hold hands in public but nothing more, accept kiss in dark corners of coffee shops and books stores (I’m not saying I’m original). I

want a boy that will go to vintage stores and isn’t too old or cool for trying on period pieces with me.

I want a boy that can talk to me until dawn about subjects that run the gamut from A to Z.

I want a boy that will live with me in a loft and help me throw completely insane parties reminiscent of the Factory or maybe the ones in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. And those parties will turn into sleepovers on occasion. And when everyone leaves we can go to the top of the building and sleep there.

Carnivals, bike riding, and playing tourist are other potential activities. ;D.

Bonuses would be liking any of the following: Wes Anderson movies, Bret Easton Ellis, Chucky P, Elliott Smith, Magnetic Fields, Conor Oberst, the Velvet Underground, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Alkaline Trio, Set Your Goals, folk-punk, Neutral Milk Hotel, Sufjan Stevens, Dorothy Parker, J.D Salinger, old movies, Edie Sedgwick, chai tea, breakfast cereals, Cat Power, Wilco, Sinatra and whatnot (that list goes on and on).

I mean, ideally. Love is love is love, it’s going to happen no matter what. But if anyone out there fits the above description, you already know where I am. Haha.

In a Story Told She Was a Little Girl (In a Red-rouge, Sun-bruised Field)

So, this sounds random, but I guess it's not. Anyways, when I was little everyone in my neighborhood was older, closer to my sister's age (she's 6 years older). And I always felt weird because I couldn't really hang out with everyone. So I remember one day I got the brilliant idea to pop some popcorn and take it over to all the older kids. I have no idea why I thought this was a great idea, I guess because I really liked popcorn and thought they would too. Haha. Anyways, it worked. For a split second they came over and talked to me and got popcorn and I didn't feel so out of place. But then all my popcorn was gone, I didn't get any, and I had to go back to playing by myself. Sad, kinda. And funny, a little.

Anyways, I think I'm still that little girl desperate for everyone to like her. It's a horrible habbit, but it's hard to grow out of. But now people aren't quite as impressed with popcorn, no matter how great it is. So I give what I can, small favors and task, advice, myself...it ranges, and sometimes it's kinda unhealthy. Especially because you can't buy that stuff at the store, you know get some more, pop it, what not. This is sounding ridiculous, but I really was getting at something. I'm just tired of being such a people pleaser. Putting them above myself. Getting screwed over, and over, and over. Becoming some kind of whore in many senses. But where would I be if I didn't do these things? Which is emptier? I don't know. I'm just feeling kind of used up right now.

A Little Bit of Inspiration

Well, it's a relatively known fact that she's one of my idols, but in addition to being inspiring in that aspect, my absolute favorite photograph of the moment is one of Audrey Hepburn. I LOVE this:

Old Photographs (Living Subjects)