In a Story Told She Was a Little Girl (In a Red-rouge, Sun-bruised Field)

So, this sounds random, but I guess it's not. Anyways, when I was little everyone in my neighborhood was older, closer to my sister's age (she's 6 years older). And I always felt weird because I couldn't really hang out with everyone. So I remember one day I got the brilliant idea to pop some popcorn and take it over to all the older kids. I have no idea why I thought this was a great idea, I guess because I really liked popcorn and thought they would too. Haha. Anyways, it worked. For a split second they came over and talked to me and got popcorn and I didn't feel so out of place. But then all my popcorn was gone, I didn't get any, and I had to go back to playing by myself. Sad, kinda. And funny, a little.

Anyways, I think I'm still that little girl desperate for everyone to like her. It's a horrible habbit, but it's hard to grow out of. But now people aren't quite as impressed with popcorn, no matter how great it is. So I give what I can, small favors and task, advice, myself...it ranges, and sometimes it's kinda unhealthy. Especially because you can't buy that stuff at the store, you know get some more, pop it, what not. This is sounding ridiculous, but I really was getting at something. I'm just tired of being such a people pleaser. Putting them above myself. Getting screwed over, and over, and over. Becoming some kind of whore in many senses. But where would I be if I didn't do these things? Which is emptier? I don't know. I'm just feeling kind of used up right now.